Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
