i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Shame - the story of my life.
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