I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
