Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
