can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
