guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Those nachos came to me in a dream
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
