I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
