he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
