I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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