Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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