i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
