One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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