look no pants
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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