Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
