is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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