Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
