If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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