called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
