I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
