My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
