This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
