I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Randomize
