Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
