remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
