my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
