1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
