cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
