if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
