so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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