Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
