Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
