Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
