I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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