those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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