My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
