But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
