I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My vagina is officially offended.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
