Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
