So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
