I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
