oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
