FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
