Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
