ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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