It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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