I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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