So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
