I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
