when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
