I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
