A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
