In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
